I am lucky to have led a great life – not a ton of hardships, some comforts that I worked hard for, a small group of amazing friends, some great trips around the world, a career that has given me satisfaction and autonomy. Nothing crazy, pretty average, but special to me of course – similar to most people’s affection for simple things in their lives.
When I look back over the highlight reel, there are hundreds of specific memories that stand out and make me smile. I am very grateful.
Interestingly though, is that some of my most content moments in my life, have taken place in the year 2021 while sitting in a quiet room using psychedelics, in the area of 250-500mg of psilocybin.
I don’t mean elated, or euphoric, or super powered – I mean really fucking content to be sitting here – the anxiety for the future, or desire for more, or worrying about the past, all seem to be absent. I feel like a kid in a candy shop… every book seems like an adventure, every piece of music washes through my brain in an especially rich way, every bite of food is miraculous – not specifically the tastes… but also the sheer idea that all of us are so lucky, to be able to walk into a store and take food home – such extraordinary abundance. How can I, how can most of us in modern western society, not be perpetually awed by these baseline circumstances?
I take questions such as this back with me into “normal” life, and they really help me maintain appreciation and gratitude. In other words, while these insights may be pronounced by the chemistry of psilocybin, the thoughts and perspectives are lasting, especially if I carefully explore them with journaling and meditation. Pretty wild.
Also to be clear – I have always felt grounded during these experiences – non-hallucinogenic and firmly anchored to reality – I don’t even know what hallucinating is like. (Someday I’ll try).
My conclusion after a few months of this, is that I absolutely love this experience – not in a way that I need to do it always, or feel like a different person when I am not. Rather I love that I can take lessons with me. My “normal” life and my psychedelic time are interacting with each other in a subtle, positive way.
It’s funny how my previous perception of psychedelics (fed by various forces in culture) – was they will take you to Narnia and potentially push you into psychosis. Of course, given enough potency and recklessness, those experiences are possible. But if one simply takes careful sips from the same cup, the experiences seem absolutely extraordinary.
For many, the benefits of psychedelics are clear. But to those who are here and just curious about what it might do for you, I hope you find this datapoint useful. Especially for anyone who has been alive for a few decades, and may have unknowingly lost the ability to see the magic in the world… courtesy of hidden processes in the brain narrowing your view. This helps blow some dust off the mind’s window.
I sincerely look forward to the rest of my life, and the cross integration of these subtle mind-shifts into my normal state of mind. New intellectual endeavors, artistic pursuits, and simple enjoyment of the “Now”.
Thank you, by the way, to r/microdosing community for existing. Also to Sam Harris, Michael Pollan, Roland Griffiths, James Fadiman, Paul Stamets, and many others who are publicly pulling-back the curtain on psychedelics and revealing this continuum of possibilities.
I hope every human alive can access this headspace someday, whether via psychedelics or simply cultivating awareness in some other manner.
Love you all.
Expanding Upon the “Mid-Life” Component
- Isn’t it fascinating, that even with a half-lifetime of experiences behind me, psychedelics produced this rich feeling of contentment I’ve never felt before?
- Repeated exposure / familiarity can cause unconscious blinders to emerge in one’s mind — in other words — automatic thinking that obscures part of the world for what it really is. This applies to people of all ages but is especially prominent beginning in mid 30s and beyond. (Aldous Huxley famously reflected on defeating this effect while using mescaline — being entranced by the folds in his own trousers)
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