This phrase – “spontaneous celibacy” – isn’t a “thing”. It’s an imperfect term that arose while trying to describe myself to someone. It’s the best I can conjure – bearing in mind the utter failure of “labels” to ever actually fulfill their obligation.

“Spontaneous celibacy? Oh, you poor thing…”

Imaginary reaction from the human population

I wouldn’t NEED a somewhat-useful-but-confusing-label, were it not for this someone who’s now in close orbit. My relationship with sex was fantastically normal – the predictable pursuit of euphoric heights in novel and interesting ways – varying degrees of emotional intimacy flaring – and then, poof… like being at the bar late night and the lights come on – you suddenly see the entire atmosphere and landscape in a different way. I didn’t turn the lights on. I wasn’t even trying to. They simply came on as a consequence of other things. This is not a “belief”. It is an experience. For whatever reason, I’m sailing around at some altered tack, gobsmacked by brilliance in every direction. What a gift! I want to shake people…. “don’t you see!” Alas… this ultraviolet view is not contagious, certainly not via exclamatory remark. And so, I write, as a personal memorial, and maybe a refuge for wanderers.

The closest-but-still-flawed label I had previously was “asexuality“. I could relate to disinterest in sex, but not for the same reasons as self-identified “asexuals”. It also occurs to me – the very idea of “sexual identity” (hetero, homo, asexual, whatever…) seems silly – in the same way that ANY identity seems silly. Identity is the den of ego. Like blackmailing ourselves to live a certain way because we take them to be the very essence of “us”.

So, I took this phrase, “spontaneous celibacy”, and cast it to the internet like a fishing line, and reeled in the following.

This is one of those, holy fucking shit moments. As I watched – smiles, nods, affirmations, blah blah. I know, to anyone but me, this will sound sensational for the sake of sounding sensational. But this was beautiful. Sincere conversation that filled all the blank space of my inadequate label. So much is said here, and while it is related to sex, it is truly about something more.

One note: there are a few esoteric words below, like “Sadhana”. I have no idea what those mean – they are not my emphasis. Rather, the general perspective they are describing is my highlight. An experience, not belief. One that just seemed to happen.