“The psychedelic ‘hook’ goes in way deeper than anything merely addictive. It’s a ‘conversionary’ stimulus of overwhelming personal ‘inspiration’ induced in many (not all) that ‘changes everything’ for those now exalted as ‘touched’ by that ‘angel’ – igniting a compulsion every bit as consuming and destructive as any addiction. But where an addict is driven to take another dose (gotta ‘fix’ his withdrawal), the ‘formerly lost now found’ (through psychedelic ‘amazing grace’) are driven – to get whoever else to take the dose, as many as possible – all and sundry at best.”doctorlao
“One of the reasons for that is that for many people the work of making LSD feels as though it has great significance, that it is important in terms of changing the direction of history or saving the world.”Tim Scully
“That conversionary-addictive impulse is especially dangerous among practitioners, suppliers, and would-be shamans.”Ed Prideaux
“Idolatry is what Zen Buddhists call confusing the finger for the moon it points to.”
I studied psychedelic milieu extensively (years) before dabbling. Even then, I forced myself into months of preparatory ritual – writing, reflecting, meditating – determined to stay lucid – before allowing myself even one “micro” dose.
Second, I was blindsided by “spiritual awakening” as opposed to seeking it out explicitly – or knowing anyone did such a thing. In essence, the deconstruction of self – recognizing “egoic” urges rooted in apparent emptiness… and letting go.
I confess, however, I was unprepared for a massive reflex I am still grappling with. That is – the urge to save humanity. To enlighten it, somehow, for the sake of our collective wellbeing.
The vast change in perspective I experienced, stemming from microdosing, mindfulness, and spirituality, made me feel as if I had discovered the treasure of a lifetime. Contentedness in little. Gratitude for everything. And indeed, this treasure endures, and deepens… two years later.
My naive thought: if all humanity could taste such a thing – we could finally turn a corner as a species, ushering an era of cooperation and prosperity. An antidote for inflamed culture wars and dizzying information spaces.
It’s not that I’m cynical about sharing what I experienced. It’s just that, shouting it from the mountaintops is so obviously futile, and further, I’m not even sure what the value proposition is.
Frankly I don’t even know what it means for me. I mean yea – so all of my desires are essentially evaporated – creating fertile soil for new wholesome ones. So what? Why would anyone want that? Who the hell am I – anyway – beneath this circumstance I’m trying to peddle…
The fact is I don’t know. I need to walk a mile more. Or two. Or ten.
Suffice it to say, I am in no place to encourage anyone to do what I am doing. The only thing I can do is observe, ask questions, and have conversations…
I am mesmerized by our shared existence. I am mesmerized that we are all here, somehow, in this vast unfolding universe… all of us set in motion inexplicably, beholden to causes and chain reactions far beyond our comprehension and control.
I cannot believe this is not more obviously fascinating and awe-inspiring for people…
But again, so what? “Hey – everyone – I am fascinated and stunned by existence – you should be too”. OK – cool??
For the past few years – what I have effectively accomplished is re-discovering the blank canvas that is my life – escaping the tunnel vision that had been reinforcing itself for decades and putting me in an apparent box. Good start. But only a start, nonetheless.
Now, I had better paint something, as opposed to preaching about the merits of blank canvas. Otherwise I truly am just the dog chasing it’s own tail. Hardly anything to evangelize.
As with most of my writing – this is a note to self:
(Perhaps this serves as a little trail marker for those stumbling through their own similar woods. So – you’ve discovered the merits of mindfulness and/or spirituality and/or psychedelics? Maybe try to go create something beautiful in your life – as opposed to saving the world. After all, the world will do what it will, and it’s all fine anyhow – no matter what.)