My optimism:pessimism ratio is solid 9:1.
Hence why my editor finds this essay abhorrent. Very off-brand. It may beget our undoing… I’m publishing this while they’re on holiday. As pioneer Grace Hopper once imparted: ’tis easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
What’s the problem? Me concluding – with suspiciously unshakable certainty – the human race is existentially horrific. Repugnant to the degree that ignoring it is utterly impossible – requiring a particular sort of cognitive dissonance that will tear my skull apart if I don’t reconcile. Good thing I have a blog.
Suddenly… George Carlin’s magnificent tirades about humanity being wiped away from the face of the earth make sense. As in, I am completely sympathetic to his reasoning. And, this fact is as unsettling to me as anyone.
(Just changed browser tabs and saw this username. The universe winking? Can’t make this shit up.)
“This too shall pass”, they say. Indeed. Death is coming for everyone – thankfully. At least thankfully for me. There is a peace in knowing that.
How peculiar – to be thinking fondly of death. Like a mother who will accept us with loving arms when we return home. Not trying to hasten it or anything. Just thankful it’s on the horizon – even if decades away, based on average lifespans and all that jazz.
Maybe that makes this one of the most honest things I’ve ever written – an admission where I am as shocked as you. Then again… I’ve always written honestly – peeling back an onion.
It’d be one thing if humanity was simply a pain in the ass sometimes, and it was perfectly reasonable to insulate oneself – a la Thoreau – and live a happy life.
But increasingly, the rapidly accumulating unhappy consequences of sharing an earth and culture – with a ballooning population – are compounding at a rate I cannot keep up with. Even worse, looking back in history only seems to reinforce a long trajectory laced with terrific degrees of greed, self-centeredness, intellectual superiority, wild senses of identity, and insatiable lust for satisfaction.
It’s all quite mind boggling…
The more I personally “wake up” – the more bizarre it all seems – the less I am able to tune it out – as I have expertly done throughout my life. I mean – what else can one do – other than tune it out? That said, I’ve now broken my earmuffs. Shattered them into a million particles, beyond repair.
So there’s that.
Believe it or not, the relief I feel here is extraordinary.
Perhaps unsatisfyingly, I am going to end this for now. As a sort of preamble to future exploration. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything – merely record this evidence that my intuition is beaming directly into the fog – fixated on an emerging epiphany.
More to come. A couple notes…
“Optimism” – Ha Ha
Let me do some armchair psychoanalysis, of me, for you…
I have led a ridiculously lucky life. I was born with a brain smart enough to win all sorts of status and money – at least enough to be quite cozy. Also I have great friends, and a happy partner. (at least until they read this essay… heh).
It’s not like life sucks, and I’ve found my way to some miserable cul-de-sac where I need to project a terrible outlook upon the world – to rationalize my worldview.
Nah…
Truthfully, I have nothing to a complain about. All’s well – day to day. But I cannot shake certain questions – how can the majority of humanity have a great life? But even worse, if the majority of humanity is NOT having a great life, and the population just keeps expanding, and abundant consequences go unfettered and compound to greater degrees of hell… well, where does that leave “us”?
All this to say – despite my good fortune – my outlook on our collective future is quite grim.
And this is what I’m finally admitting to myself – that – while I have discovered great peace, I remain disturbed by humanity-at large. The implication, here, is I will not be procreating, and I actually see this as compassionate, and lastly, I know for sure that most people will think I’m crazy for framing things this way.
But, whatever. Is what it is.
In short… I can be cool. And content. But I can call things as I see them, striving to be as intellectually rigorous and honest as possible, and fade to black when the time comes.
And I AM optimistic, that people can find peace.
And I CAN be cool and compassionate – to every single human I meet – even while criticizing the species as a whole – and cherish every single interaction I have.
Who knows how my view will evolve. I’ll always leave room to ponder.
Necessary Housekeeping
For the past year I’ve carved out a few pages of this blog to help people who are stuck. And while I still believe – passionately – in people liberating themselves from personal hell – I cannot in good conscience invite anyone to read what I’m about to expand upon – particularly those who’ve followed me under the guise of “help”.
After all.. I’m basically saying, in a way, we’re fucked. It’s not anything to be alarmed about, but even so… yea.
I’ll unsubscribe those who’ve followed prior to publishing this. And send a small note explaining why. And those that choose to continue the journey with me in this very strange direction, cool.
Talk more soon.
2 responses to “Everything Is Not Fine”
“Welcome to my world, won’t you come on in” As I read this post I cannot help but make my second response to you.
Firstly. Yes you are without doubt correct “we are fucked”. Due to the mathematical certainty of compound usury to which no talking head ever debates we are now in a death spiral and a race to the bottom. Weirdly, I knew this BEFORE finding your blog and it is a massive burden upon one’s psyche.
This is where mindfulness is both a lifesaver and will eventually lead to be an inevitable curse.
Not even knowing what mindfulness was 6 months ago. It truly has saved and turned my life around to the point where I know the inevitable “end times” (for humanity) are fast approaching but I am SO fucking “good” in my head space that a cold acceptance of this inevitability resides in every ounce of my being.
THIS!!! above is why “mindfulness” will be an inevitable curse on humanity also. Acceptance where before I had dogged fight against the inevitability. An inability to accept made me carry on the fight. Mindfulness is now so prevalent in society even my son is getting taught it in school which on the surface “sounds” amazing right? Who wouldn’t want anybody not to suffer mentally?
When the shit really does hit the fan ( if anyone thinks it’s bad now, time to buckle up) We are gunna have an army of robots “accepting things as they are in consciousness “. The metaphorical “had it up to here” mentality and a human disposition of fighting back will be gone forever. Leaving a MORE docile population than what we currently have now.
Anyone reading this comment I apologise for bursting any metaphorical bubbles.
Andrew – you made my day with this reply. Thank you so much.
I am acutely aware of the following continuum:
optimism
pessimism
sarcasm
cynicism
nihilism
misanthropism
In writing this, I am covering new terrain between optimism and pessimism- striving to avoid the other areas entirely.
In short, the world we live in is on fire, and I am comfortable concluding that, based on years upon years of scouring science and reasonably minded folks, accumulating evidence and speaking not-so-fondly about our trajectory. And by my estimation, these are very good people, wishing well for all of us, not motivated by any other reason than being a good member of the species. (I will substantiate this in other posts soon)
I continue to feel that mindfulness (and related activities) will serve as a beloved escape hatch. I am permanently happy and relieved, in a personal sense, that I have found my peace.
That said, the world is what it is, and I want to explore this and talk about it. (as we are here).
I see mindfulness as a one-two punch. First, (best case) it releases you from self-imposed mental terrors. But second, as you point out, it makes you more vividly aware of collective problems in the word, less able to hide-from or deny-them. This second punch needs more airtime.
I STILL net this out as positive, for me, in that I can ride this ride and know it’s all good, in the ultimate sense.
But I am certainly sympathetic to your view of looking out at the world and it’s apparent chaos.
My only rational response to it all is to sit over here in my place… and continue to gaze / ask questions. While it is unsettling, it’s all good. A little paradoxical, I know, but it feels like life is ultimately holding paradoxes. That seems to be where peace lives.
Thanks for following along on this journey – thanks even more for sharing a few works here.
Sincerely,
Jay