There you are, going about life. Just like any other day.

If you’re fortunate – things are ok but something feels off – missing. You’re stuck with this never-ending yearning, an itchiness, that comes and goes. What now? What new goal can you find? What new pleasure can you obtain? What can you learn… who can you become? Maybe it’s a matter of shooing this question away with amusement, distraction du jour…. ’til you sleep at night. Wakeup, repeat.

If you’re unfortunate – everything feels bad. Many things haunt you. Every day feels like a chore – no end in sight. The world doesn’t recognize how much you’ve been punished, overlooked, neglected. Everyone fails to truly see your story. All the things you really want in life are beyond reach, because you cannot get through your gauntlet of circumstances and regrets and anxieties.

In the novel Infinite Jest, a film makes its way around that, upon watching, is so damn compelling, it kills the viewer. They literally sit there hooked, soiling themselves, failing to eat or hydrate or move, eyes glued to the film until their body shuts down and perishes. Anyone attempting to save them will invariably catch a glance of the film themselves, and follow the same fate.

The film is a metaphor for life. The death a metaphor for the viscous cycles we’re entangled with, never realizing a pause button exists. “Philosophical suicide” in the words of Albert Camus.

The mind-altering question that seems to break the spell: Why?

Whether we reflexively chase novelty to scratch an uncatchable itch – or – perpetually flee circumstances and feelings that haunt us, the cycle repeats indefinitely until the end of our lives.


Unless we become curious, and eject.

A lightness takes hold. And there we are again, same life, yet everything irrevocably different. Fresh eyes.

“The most magnificent part about this phase of life is the utter joy and gratitude – in doing absolutely nothing. Needing little, if anything. Life is here, not around the corner.”

Does this seem silly? Too curt and feeble to possibly be of any consequence? A past me may have concurred. Yet here I am, writing this, unable un-ring the bell that was rung in my mind. Never again will I carry the same appetites, frustrations, and imaginations.

No – this is not something *I* created. Not a product. Nor religion or hocus pocus or woo-woo. Merely a pointer to ideas that are hiding in plain sight. In fact, I make great efforts to point to other established and credible ideas more than my own.

And, while this probably wreaks of “oh boy, what disappointing snake oil am I about to be sold” – I encourage you to push past skepticism and consider: there is a completely different way to engage with life.

Two things:

First, the collection of writing on anti-rebel.org is an attempt to stretch my mind (and anyone who reads) in as many directions as possible – enabling us to SEE life from a new altitude. It raises questions that can be observed or contemplated further. For instance:

Second, more to the heart of the matter, consider the following.

This is not “the answer”. There is no such thing. Only you can find your answers. The best anyone can do is illuminate interesting questions.

(If you do make it to the other side of reading and aren’t captivated, it is not the fault of these ideas, but entirely my fault for failing to adequately convey them. This is a challenge I accept for as long as I’m around.)

I sincerely hope you find this insightful.

– Jay

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