This phrase – “spontaneous celibacy” – isn’t a “thing”. It’s an imperfect term that arose while trying to describe myself to someone. It’s the best I can conjure – bearing in mind the utter failure of “labels” to ever actually fulfill their obligation. “Spontaneous celibacy? Oh, you poor thing…” Imaginary reaction from the human population […]
Once upon a time in early adulthood, I was driving down the road with two friends during summer. It was a brief reprieve from full-throttle partying… a transitory moment between day festivities and night festivities. We were riding in silence, windows down, enjoying the golden hour breeze. My friend who was riding shotgun suddenly announced […]
Something bigger has all of this to offer. I am merely getting out of the way. Of course, this is me, writing this… but even here, there is something wordless, being refracted through me, into words. There is some bigger thing, to which we are all inextricably attached. This bigger thing is gently asking you, […]
For reasons shared previously, I don’t enjoy using the word “spirituality”. It’s fraught with misunderstanding… hocus pocus and religion. But there is something simple and legitimate at its core – I see it as the following: Spirituality, in short, is embarking upon the never-ending journey to understand who you are and why you do everything […]
We are a process enmeshed within regions or modules in the brain. We do not choose what arises, or, which module “speaks up”. That decision is concealed – a decision we can never see or control. Instead, we “experience” the process of responding to what arises. We are the feeling-and-reasoning process itself. Consciousness. Science suggests […]
Who am I? Not sure. 🙂 What is becoming obvious, though, are all the things I am not. How delightful. 🙂 What a relief. 🙂 This inquiry will go a while… I’m not sure it ends. No rush. Another thing, Most times, I feel full. I don’t want anything else. If I do desire something, […]
Note to self. This latte sort of looks like a genie with its arms raised, escaping from my coffee. Maybe the raised arms signal…
“I’ll know when”. I sincerely believed this was the wisest possible answer to the question: Do I want biological children? After all, how could I possibly predict my future financial stability, my future life satisfaction, my future trust in a romantic partner, my future trust in society? Surely – if all of these things felt […]
Why do we create humans? Why do we have sex? Why do we have romantic partners? How do all of these questions relate to one another? In an…
Dear reader, below is an important personal journal entry. Several months later, One year later, … these feelings last, accompanied by many new and subtle complementary ones. It took some period of reflection and self-discovery to land here, and I am convinced this is accessible to anyone (though, everyone’s path is different). I hope you […]
Heterosexual. Homosexual. Bisexual. Whateversexual. Why should sexuality be such a massive part of our identity? Why does this have such massive influence over our motivations in life? A deeper question: why do humans become so infatuated with sex, in the first place? Do our brains spontaneously compel us to crave sex one day at a […]
(Cross-post from reddit) I am LUCKY to have led a great life – not a ton of hardships, some comforts that I worked hard for, a small group of amazing friends, some great trips around the world, a career that has given me satisfaction and autonomy. Nothing crazy, pretty average, but special to me of […]
How is it we can muddle through life and not be perpetually gripped by all the beauty and mystery around us? How is it the gaze of our…
Nearly one year ago I thought deeply about my bond with work. Unease was lingering beneath my daily ritual and I was grasping to root it out. This process was like playing darts in a dark room; I knew roughly the direction of the dartboard – a blotchy shadow in a general vicinity – but […]
Whuuuuuuuuuuuuur. Hear that? It’s the gentle low-pitch hum of a dehumidifier fan, operating at 160F, drying 30 or so magic mushrooms I harvested from a plastic tub in my kitchen. The ambient noise of the fan plus birds singing in the early morning hours are insanely satisfying to write to. The subtle smell of drying mushrooms hits me when I enter the room to check on them. We’ll get back to this. For the record, I’m as sober as a judge. I have been for about 3 years. I hold nothing against marijuana, alcohol, or any other psychoactive compound of choice, nor do I have any past destructive relationships with them. It’s simply been a goal to REALLY observe who I am for a while, sans any considerable neurochemical or psychological influence. I’ve also never taken a psychedelic.
Why did I chain myself to work, and do I let myself go? When I was 19 years old I went full-throttle into the corporate world. The internet boom was a massive wave rolling over the planet and I had a surfboard: skills to build technology that businesses were desperate for. At that young professional […]
One thing I intend to never do again for the rest of my life: Camp out on the internet and gawk. Lapping-up hot takes about what is unfolding in the world, and allow it to poison my entire sense of the world and existence. So silly… There is more beauty in the world than ugliness.…
“Our survival ain’t taking place on Mars or any goddamned space ship.” Doug Peacock Our Future Fetish Just wait, until we land on the moon. How great everything will be! [producer whispers… off camera] Oh fuck me, sorry folks. I’m being told — we’ve done that. And it was indeed inspirational and led to all…
To anyone with pronounced empathy, I suspect observing humanity causes great pain? Which you are either living with — or — you developed a strategy to insulate yourself from. Put another way: Being alive begets knowing the majority of the human population is suffering. Further, it may (or may not), lead one to question the…
My optimism:pessimism ratio is solid 9:1. Hence why my editor finds this essay abhorrent. Very off-brand. What’s the problem? Me concluding – with suspiciously unshakable certainty – the human race is existentially horrific. Repugnant to the degree that ignoring it is utterly impossible – requiring a particular sort of cognitive dissonance that will tear my…
“The psychedelic ‘hook’ goes in way deeper than anything merely addictive. It’s a ‘conversionary’ stimulus of overwhelming personal ‘inspiration’ induced in many (not all) that ‘changes everything’ for those now exalted as ‘touched’ by that ‘angel’ – igniting a compulsion every bit as consuming and destructive as any addiction. But where an addict is driven…
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